Saturday, 5 March 2016

Thoughts on a 20 mile run

Mile 1: Ooh god, this hydration belt is really annoying. It's so heavy. Do I really need this much water?
Miles 2-3: Whoof I'm really tired. I really don't know how I feel about this.
Miles 3-4: Okay, I'm alright, this is fine. Let's just focus on one mile at a time, not the 16 more to go.
Mile 4: Uh oh. I think I'm starting to need the toilet.
Mile 4.5: Oh bugger, I'm gonna have to go for a wee in Tesco.
Mile 5.5: *pauses Garmin* *walks into Tesco* *eyes up security guard* I wonder if you can get in trouble for using the toilet without buying anything. I wonder if I beg I'd be okay.
Mile 5.5 part 2: Okay, back on it. 
Mile 6: Maybe I should bust my sports drink out.
Mile 6.2: OH MY GOD I'M CHOKING
Mile 7: Hmm, it's pretty icy here. Maybe I'll walk these bits.
Mile 8: Oh it's really icy
Mile 8.5: Oh that bit looks awful. How will I navigate that? Better turn around
Mile 9: So how am I going to add those extra 3 miles on? I'll pause my podcast while I figure it out.
Mile 9.2: Maybe I could do the 17 miles to home, then do a 3 mile loop?
Mile 9.3: Nah, by the time I got near home there is no way I would want to keep going. Plus I know my points when it's three miles to go, two miles to go, one mile to go. It would actually be soul destroying to have to keep going.
Mile 10: Ooh maybe I'll try an energy gel
Mile 10.1: Jesus Christ that was gross
Mile 10.5: Ouch ouch ouch. I think one of my plasters just came off.
Mile 11.65: Okay, if I run an extra mile and a half up there, then run back, then when I get back here I'll be back on track.
Mile 12: I am dying
Mile 13: I am dying
Mile 14: I am dying, and now I need another wee. I am not going into Tesco again.
Mile 15: Okay home stretch!
Mile 16: How many miles left? 3? Oh, 4. Damn.
Mile 16.5: Maybe the orange energy gels are better? 
Mile 16.6: Oh no, not better
Mile 17: Garmin low battery? Urgh great
Mile 18: TWO MILES TO GO! GET OUT OF MY WAY PEOPLE.
Mile 18.5: I am so hungry
Mile 18.75: I wonder what time it is
Mile 19: ONE MILE TO GO! COME ON! Time to get my pace on!
Mile 19.1: No wait, maybe not.
Mile 19.5: COME ON LEGS. GO FASTER.
Mile 19.6: I must be nearly done now
Mile 19.7: It's like time is standing still
Mile 19.9: SPRINT FINISHHHHHHH
Mile 20: Oh my god, I did it. *dies*


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