I'm thinking of running marathon.
Remember that time I ran a half marathon and it was the hardest, most challenging thing I've ever done in my life?
Well I'm thinking of doing that, all over again. Twice.
Running a marathon was always on my list of "things I want to do one day" even as far as being on my "things I want to do before I'm 30" list. But the reality of actually doing it is an entirely different story.
Because a marathon is really, really flipping far.
That's over four 10Ks. Or nearly nine 5Ks.
Just writing that down makes me sweat, thinking of the challenging parkrun I ran yesterday.
It would undoubtedly take over my life.
I'd have to turn down Saturday plans to ensure I was fresh for hours of running on a Sunday.
And people wouldn't understand "oh I can't come - I have 17 miles to run tomorrow."
I'd have to explore the terrifying world of gels and peeing in a bush with 8 miles to go.
I'd have to (mostly) give up my beloved Beachbody workouts in lieu of running nearly every day.
I would have to think about joining a running club, eating into my relaxing evenings.
I'd have to start running after work, because running 10 miles before 7am does not sound appealing.
I'd have less time to spend with Phil. Less time to spend with friends.
But I'd be training for a marathon.
And eventually, I would be a marathon finisher.
I would be part of an elite community of people who have pushed themselves and their bodies to the max.
I would have a challenge, a goal, something to reach for.
And I know it would be something that would change my life completely.
And I know, deep down, that I could do it.
On Friday, I told my boss I was thinking about running a marathon and she said "if anyone has the drive and motivation to run a marathon, it's you."
Right now I have the time and the lifestyle to do this. What if I never get the chance again?
But I'm scared.
I'm scared of that cons list.
I'm scared I'm not ready.
I'm scared of doing too much, pushing too hard, burning out.
I'm scared because I don't know why deep down why I want to do this.
I'm scared of putting pressure on my relationships.
I'm scared I'm never going to get a moment to myself and that I'll drive myself insane.
The Manchester marathon is today.
That means I have a whole year.
A whole year to train, a whole year to decide.
I know I don't have to decide right now, and thank god.
I have some time to keep running, keep running further, and keep this in the back of my mind.
Maybe when I get back to running eight, nine, ten miles I'll change my mind. Or maybe that will push me further.
I don't have to decide right now.
But I wish I knew if I was ready.