Monday, 8 August 2011

The End

What I want to do today is curl up in a ball and wallow in self pity. What I want to do is scream and cry about how unfair this all is, and ask the same questions over and over. But I can't. I can't. I've spent the last two days doing this, going over everything over and over again. Doubting everything about our relationship, reading into everything he ever said to me, going all super-sleuth looking for clues that he wasn't happy. But I can't. I have to pick myself up and get on with it. Of course, while I pretended I was cool yesterday, I'm not at all. I am a total mess. I've lost my best friend and I've lost everything in my future. And as much as I've said that I'm not angry, and I couldn't have asked for a more honest and nicer break up, it's still a break up, and it still hurts more than anything I've ever felt before. But I have to keep going. As much as I can. When work rung me today and asked if I could come in, I couldn't. While I can't face work right now, I can just about manage to edit photos and update my blog. I can go around three hours, if I'm lucky, without crying. I can take baby steps. I can try. Because what other choice do I have? This is going to be a long, long slog. I just have to keep going, as much as I can. Anyway...



You might have noticed this outfit is number 30. Of 30. Yes, I have finally completed 30 for 30. It may have taken (way!!) more than 30 days (in fact, I reckon we're closer to 60), but there we go. 30 items, 30 outfits. I've done it. While at the moment I don't want to take pictures (I am pretty gross- my face is a mess from crying and cheap tissues, I have permanent panda eyes and I'm barely eating), my wardrobe is a bit of an Alladin's cave again. I have pages and pages of outfit ideas I can't wait to try out (does anyone else do this? I'm always writing outfits down but I think I need some way to organize them. Excel maybe?) and I have a couple of items in the pipeline to review and a giveaway. I have enough to keep me busy for a few days though. I obviously still had these pictures and I want to do a little round-up of all my 30 for 30 outfits and talk about what I learnt and what I would do differently next time. So I'll still be here. You just probably won't see much of me.


blue top- topshop
striped skirt- H&M
blazer- thrifted
shoes- H&M


Anyway, these photos are from last Saturday. Unlike today, where it's chucking it down (it's been all about the pathetic fallacy the last few days), it was a lovely warm day and I definitely didn't need my jacket. But I'd had this outfit idea in my head quite early on and wanted to create it completely. I can't express my love for this jacket. I miss Savers in Duluth so much. I definitely could have found some more bargains there if I still lived in Duluth. I don't think the second hand stores are anywhere near as good in this country.


My Mum paid for my Nan and I to go out for lunch today, which took my mind off things, and I'm going to spend my evening hanging out with my Dad. My family have been wonderful the last few days, especially as I have been nothing short of a nightmare. They are the only people who would be able to put up with the fact that I am a continuous broken record at the moment. Tomorrow, my dad is taking me out with him in the morning (after my last break up, my dad took me to work with him. Last time he bought me a crumpet and some hot chocolate. Fingers crossed I'll be that lucky again), then I have a hair appointment and I think I'm gonna hang out with my friends in the evening. Then Wednesday I'm going back to London. I've just got to keep busy...


I hope you had a wonderful Monday.
I hope to be back soon,

Charlotte xxx

17 comments:

  1. You still look great and not like you've been crying at all :) I love your blazer! Hope you'll be feeling better soon! hugggssss xx

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  2. Savers in Duluth is the best!

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  3. Love the striped skirt and blazer! You look absolutely adorable!

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  4. You know what? Life has its ups and downs, ok? You'll laugh again if something is funny enough to make you laugh, but there will be worse. People have feelings and we can't change this, but we can appreciate this. Think of it. This relationship was already difficult with the distance and all. I don't want to be mean. Honestly. I've been reading your blog fanatically for many months and I was used to your relationship. I was really sad about the break up. I am. But life keeps going no matter what happens. It's not worth losing these days of your life mourning and crying. It's not easy. Hell is it not. But you just have to wake up, go to your job, eat, laugh, even if it's fake. And always remember that time is the best doctor. So please, no matter how difficult it may seem today, go around like nothing happened. In our lives, people come and go. It was just not meant to be. Take care, Char. xx

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  5. You look amazing regardless of how you are feeling. I hope that you feel more amazing though.

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  6. Your hair is growing out!!!! That's something to be happy about :] xx

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  7. I recently broke up with someone too. It hurts and whatever but sometimes it's just best to think about the future and all the other people that you're going to meet and have potential relationships with. I know what I'm saying probably will not make you feel better in the slightest but it's something to think about in between the sobs and the fits of rage.

    Anywho, I like your skirt. It looks really good on you.

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  8. chin up dear, things will get easier with time. Just soak up as much time with your friends and family as you can.

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  9. Break ups are incredibly hard and I know how you feel. I split with my long term boyfriend, also long distance, last November and spent a month on and off talking with him. For your own sanity, keep contact to a minimum right now, you need to be there for yourself.
    Also, I read a book called "It's called a break up because it's broken" by the same guy (And his wife) who wrote "he's just not that into you." You'll read about how both have gone through horrendous relationship breakups and how not to cope with things. Keep writing, stay busy, but most of all, stay true to yourself.
    Oh, and eat. I lost nearly 15 lbs in a week due to not eating and having to go into work and run around.
    You are an amazing person and you deserve the happiness life gives you. RIght now, keeping your mind off the break up will be hard and as every one has said before, you need to make sure you don't let this break up keep you from your work experience.
    Best of luck dear, but you will love again!

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  10. Hang in there girly, you can and will get through this. Just focus on what you need and what makes you feel good. First and foremost your owe it to yourself to be happy. I'm sure everyone is comparing what you're going though to their last break up and that can be so helpful but just remember that everyone's heart breaks differently so give yourself time to heal.

    I'm glad that 30 for 30 inspired you to create outfit ideas. I've been thinking about starting the 30 for 30 challenge but haven't built up the courage just yet. I always carry a notebook with me and write down outfit ideas all the time I'm still trying to figure out an electronic way to organize them myself so let me know if you have any luck.

    Sending feel better vibes from Vermont your way!

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  11. I'm so sorry for you. I can only imagine how awful you must feel. keep on keeping on though hun, it's all you can do.
    Ax

    http://becomingraje.blogspot.com/

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  12. I don't know if you're much of a country fan but this song helped me a lot once upon a time :)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22zB6Soc2Gk&ob=av2e

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  13. *HUGS* I'm getting divorced so I've felt (am feeling) that pain. You know what you need--if you need to wallow in misery? Wallow! The fact that you're trying to pick yourself up after 2 days is amazing to me-- I know I wallowed for weeks. Even though you may not believe it, you are so strong.

    Just do what you need to do to get through the pain. We're all here for you, and you've got sympathy and good vibes from Washington State.

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  14. I really like this outfit, the skirt especially. And yay for finally being done with 30 for 30!

    I'm so sorry you're going through this, I know how rough it is. But you're doing it right, keeping busy. *hug* It'll get better.

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  15. I'm sorry to hear about your break up. I'm going through a recent one, too. They're never easy. Just keep moving along. (:

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  16. I really, really like this outfit, Charlotte! (Also I thought I commented on this post? but apparently I dreamed that...) You've got a lot of good thoughts headed your way, but I definitely understand the impulse to analyze everything to death. (I do that whenever something goes bad in my life - a friend gets mad at me or I get a bad grade)... I just worry and analyze and drive myself nuts! But like you told me a few weeks ago, treat yourself and give yourself a break from everything... I think you've earned one! :]

    xo Michelle

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