Today would have been a lazy Sunday if I knew how to relax. I did sleep in and do some grocery shopping- standard lazy Sunday things- but I also wrote two articles and the abstract for my dissertation and spent far too long on my makeup. I wanted to go out and do stuff but I really did need a day off to get articles done and sort my life out. I've been emotionally drained the last few weeks. I feel constantly on the verge of collapse, no matter how much I sleep, and after 28 hours work in 3 days I really did need a day off.
I had to wear this outfit today as I've been feeling the arrival of autumn far too much recently. I feel as though my summer was kinda stolen this year. In March, when everyone in the UK was starting to get out their sandals and summer dresses, we were still wading in snow in Minnesota until May. And while Minnesota has another month or two of nice weather (I remember the fall being absolutely gorgeous when I was there last year), I consider autumn to begin on September 1st. While summer is not at all my favourite season (I love spring and adore a warm autumn), I do love summer clothes. Floral dresses and wedges, boater hats, denim jackets, converse... I love that laid-back relaxed vibe of summer. I feel sad that pretty soon these things will be tucked away until next year. Denim jackets in the winter? Ick. I was wishing away the summer a few months ago and while I'm super-excited to go back to uni (my summers are invariably long and generally involved a conflicting mix of work and boredom), I am becoming more and more painfully aware of the fact my year abroad is over. A year ago tomorrow was my leaving party. It's been almost a year since I left and I just want to throw myself down and cry that I'm not going back to Minnesota. I wish more than anything I was going back in September. It was the best year of my life and it kills me that I can never, ever relive that. Being home has been great, but it's never been the same. America really where I want to be, where I need to be. I'm restless back home. Even in London, where I want to move next year, nothing has that buzz of living abroad.
While I'm being mopey, I'm gonna be mopey (and then I'm gonna be all happy again and tell you about this necklace that my wonderful sponsor Kait sent me). The reason I got all dressed up today and spent so long on my makeup is because for me, one of the hardest things about a break up is feeling good about myself again. I've been so used to having someone who is constantly supportive, who always, always thought I was amazing. Someone who would tell me I was great and that I would go far on the days when I was struggling to feel good about myself and my abilities. Someone who always thought I was beautiful, whether I was having a fat day or wearing sweatpants or after I'd taken my makeup off. Someone who not only loved me in spite of all the things I was insecure about, but because of those things. I am not a confident person, and I miss that feeling of being invincible that love gives you. I miss knowing that somewhere, even when he was 5000 miles away, someone thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world. Erick was never, and he would admit this, the most romantic or affection person in the world, but he always told me I was beautiful and always made me feel special. And it's really hard to feel that way on my own. But dressing up and making an effort helps, if only a little bit. And I know I have to find that confidence in myself.
dress (worn as skirt)- boohoo
tank top- topshop
belt- H! by Henry Holland
wedges- Charlotte Russe
necklace- c/o Kait Makes Things
Wow, sorry, that was super self-indulgent. You can totally call me out on this in a few month's time. Anyway, to my outfit, the thing we're all here for anyway. The gorgeous Andrea inspired this outfit when she wore her maxi dress as a skirt. I love this look!! I can't wait to try to remix this skirt in the autumn time, with a black tank or jumper and a leather jacket and boots, or with a buttoned cardigan over it. And this beautiful necklace was sent to me by my wonderful sponsor, Kait. Isn't it gorgeous? Her jewellery is all hand-made and re-crafted. She has some gorgeous things in her shop. I'm going to be doing a little sponsor spotlight on her this week.
Well, I'd better get going. I have work experience tomorrow and I'm super excited about it. I have some exciting stuff coming up and I can't wait to share it with you all.
Oh and if you haven't already, go enter my giveaway!!
Hope you're having a wonderful Sunday!! I have decided, at 7.30pm, to finally embrace lazy Sunday by watching 30 Rock in my pajamas.