Wednesday, 14 April 2010

The Painful Truth


'Gimme the truth, even if it hurts me.'


- Good Charlotte

Sometimes we need the truth; 'try that top with a different skirt', 'don't dye your hair that colour, I don't think it would suit you', 'I'm sorry, I can't come to your party.' Half the time we wouldn't know what was going on without evidence; the truth. But obtaining and hearing the truth is not always easy. Some truths are much more difficult to hear; 'that skirt isn't very flattering', 'i don't love you anymore' or, one of the worst, 'he's just not that into you.'

The worst truths are the ones that are staring you in the face. The painful truths like the ones above; you already know. You know that the texts with no reply, endless 'i can't make it tonight's and mixed messages clearly don't mean he's madly in love with you. You know in the back of your mind that if he was really into you, you'd know. The experience of truth demands a lot of denial. And I've had it by the truckful.

But sometimes hearing it from someone else is what really opens your eyes. Because they saw it too. They saw when your denial blinded you from seeing. And then you feel stupid. Because everyone else already knew.

And receiving the truth can shake the foundations of everything you've ever believed in. It can change the way you think, how your handle experiences and how you feel about certain people. Cleared judgement can be a painful and confusing thing. I personally believe ignorance is bliss. I'd rather not know something that could hurt me. But you just know. And having someone else announce your doubts as truth is unbelievably painful.

In the book 'he's just not that into you', they make out that once you realise someone isn't, well, that into you, it's a liberating experience that brings you a new lease of life and you can then go on with your life feeling enlightened. Not for me. It made me horrifically depressed. It made me realise that none of the guys I'd ever dated or had relationships with were really that into me. Which is a pretty painful feeling. I still think about it now. It tells you he isn't into you, but it doesn't tell you how to recover from that emotional landslide. I don't know who the women were who felt liberated. I just feel insecure, ugly, paranoid and unwanted.

When you find out someone isn't that into you, you're not really sure what to do. You feel like you need to accuse them of this. You try to deny it; you use things they've said, done and sent as evidence against it. But some nice words don't make up for all the times you've sat up crying because they haven't turned up again, let you down again, or just got on with their life without contacting you. Coupled with pathetic excuses.

It's like a break up, but you know you don't really have a right to mourn and be upset in the same way as a break up. I mean, you weren't really together were you? Not really? Even though you'd spent 6 months thinking he was the only one and he spent 6 months considering you one of many.

It's hard, and I'm going to find it especially hard. But it's true. And I suppose you have to start moving on, as painful as it is. And it's hard not to read the texts and letters that made you think he actually was interested and just needed time. And maybe things will change, but they probably won't.

Truth is, he's just not that into you. And you need to find someone who is. Simple isn't it? ://

We need the truth. It's painful and horrible and is can try to destroy us. But it will make us stronger. How can we make a decision without knowing everything? Judges, doctors, police... they all demand the truth. But it is hard. But knowing it can help us make better decision, and ultimately stop us from wasting our time.

It's hard, but in time we'll look back on this and realise we did the right thing.

Hopefully.

Charlotte xxx

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