Saturday, 28 January 2012

On making a hard decision


I don't know what started it, but I've been having a really tough time over the last few weeks. Last night things really came to a head. It was 8pm. I'd left the house at 8.45am for my 9am class, and spent my entire day in the library until my dance class at 7. When I got home, a lot of stuff happened and I found myself on the phone to my mum crying for 2 hours. I just wanted to go home.
This morning I woke up, feeling a little better, but ended up stressed and crying again, desperate to come home. The only thing stopping me was the fact I had a shift at my bar job at 11pm. I knew it was too late to get my shift covered but I knew I had to come home.
I've been working at Joe's bar since my first year of university and I absolutely loved it in my first and second years. Since coming back from my year abroad, however, it's never felt the same. I don't know anybody and it's wrecks my weekend working til 4am on a Saturday and with dancing almost every night of the week, it's been too much. So this afternoon, I decided to hand in my notice.
It was a really hard decision to make. I've made so many friends there and it's been such a wonderful job, but at the moment I barely work anyway and I feel guilty about only being able to commit to working once every couple of weeks. It means I can't come home when I need to, or get up early on a Sunday for a good long day in the library. But I knew that it was making me miserable. I just couldn't balance it with my university work and my other commitments.
I'm scared of regretting my decision in a few weeks, but I know it was the right thing to do. I've been having a really hard time at university lately and everything has just felt too much. I hate to quit and felt like a failure in a lot of ways, but I know by quitting one thing I can concentrate on more important things in my life: my degree, my writing, my blog, my dancing and my friends.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can't do everything and be everyone you want to be.
I hope I've made the right decision.
I've now come back home, just until tomorrow, to spend my weekend with my parents and sorting out job applications and having a bit of a rest. I know it's what I need to do.
School is really kicking my ass right now and taking it all out of me, but I know I just need to stay strong and focused for a few more weeks and do the absolute best I can with my studying.
Thank you for all of you who sent me lovely messages of support on Twitter.
Change is scary, but sometimes it's what you need.

7 comments:

  1. I quit my job my last year of school too -- it's almost too much to do all at once. I found that the less I worked, the happier I was and the better my schoolwork did. Thankfully I'd saved up enough money to live off of for the rest of the year, so I didn't have to get another job. Sometimes, you just have to do what you have to do!! My editor for one of my internships recently told me that if something you're doing is making you infinitely more miserable than if you weren't doing it, the sacrificing of quitting it is worth it; purposefully making yourself miserable for the sake of keeping up appearance isn't going to help anything! 

    Anyway, I think you made the right, if difficult, choice. :] 

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  2. Good on you to make such a difficult decision as this =) It really shows how grown up you're being and setting your priorities right, at the moment it's most important to do well in your studies (or at least it is for me, and I think you're the same!!), so you've done so well to make that decision. I think you'll be glad of it as it gets closer to exams too!! Also, if you still feel you want to keep earning something but not commit to too much, check out if your uni does note taking things like mine, I get between £10-15 an hour note taking and sometimes typing up the notes afterwards, and you can do as little or as many hours as you like =) The one at my uni is called Clear Links and I know they do other unis too, so check it out if you like =D
    Hope you're feeling happier soon - I want to try to make my way down to see you sometime, so maybe I can cheer you up with some shopping!! (After the shopping ban....)
    xxx

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  3. It'll be fine babes.  Most of the people I know don't work while they go to school, let alone work while they go to school, write, dance, and maintain a (rockin') blog.  You're not a failure because you quit your bar job while you focus on other things.  You MIGHT be a failure if you quit other things while you focused on your bar job, but not even then!  :)  So congratulations.  I think it was a smart move.  It'll be fine!

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  4. you'll be absolutely fine lovely. To be honest I wish I hadn't worked when I was studying-- pretty sure that could have been the difference between a first, and the 2:1 I got. You live you learn though. I think you made the right decision-- and you've not got long left at University so you wouldn't ave had much longer at the club anyway, right?

    I hope you feel a bit more relaxed at home. The priorities you've made are exactly the right ones. You are such a busy bee, and if you can afford not to work at the moment, then don't. Lord knows, we'll be working til we're 75 or something, anyway!

    Lots of love

    Amy xxx
    http://fashionsastranger.wordpress.com

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  5. When your in your final year at university, something has to give. I am on placement and studying in my final year and I am exhausted. I am barely working and glad of it, as I don't think I could manage working and doing uni stuff. You have done the right thing!
    What dance do you do?

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  6. You can do it! I understand that feeling of just wanting to go home. I've been stressed out from school and worrying about the end of college looming in the very near future. I don't like not knowing where I'll be in the next year. Sometimes just taking a couple hours to do something you enjoy, even if it's frivolous, makes things feel better. 

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  7. I do Advanced Jazz, Advanced Street Jazz, Advanced Hip Hop, Intermediate Hip Hop and Musical Theatre :]]

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