Sunday, 3 October 2010

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Why is it that one failure, one bad experience, can make up doubt ourselves, hate ourselves and forget everything we have achieved?
Why is it that the opinion of one person can feel like it overrides every good person you have ever met?
Why do we define ourselves by other people's definitions of us?
And how can one bad experience bring us down to such a low level that not even the best of experiences can bring us back up again?
I've always been one for letting my emotions rule me.
One bad thing can completely bring me down for the rest of the day. It completely preoccupies my brain. Nothing can make me happy once I feel bad about myself.
Why is this?
Why can one thing feel like it owns us, defines us. Why do we define ourselves by the bad experiences, and not the good? Why do we count our failures before our successes?
I am always told I am too hard on myself, and it's true.
I am by far my worst critic.
I hardly ever allow myself to be proud of myself, but I punish myself when things go wrong, even if it wasn't my fault, or if I didn't really understand.
Why can't I accept my shortcomings and learn from them?
And why does every bad experience make me feel as though it's setting a pattern for the rest of my life?
I studied Psychology in College and it always was my favourite subject.
Bandura's Social Learning Theory shows us that we learn from our own behaviour, and avoid things that have proved painful in the past.
So how do I find myself making the same mistakes?
Sorry for the overshare, I'm having a bad day.

"when we don't know who to hate, we hate ourselves."- Invisible Monsters.


xxx

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