Sunday, 18 September 2011

A New Beginning

Today, I am going back to uni.
It's been over a year since I last attended the University of Birmingham and a lot of things have changed in that time. So many things that I can barely comprehend them.
I lived in America for a year. I had a whole new life over there. I lived 5000 miles from my friends and family. I made my own way. I started out knowing just one other person. I left with friends for life.
I had so many amazing experiences. I went to cities I'd only seen in movies. I went to American house parties with red cups. I took American classes. I shared a room. I had my first Thanksgiving. I went on road trips. But the most significant thing I did was fall in love.
I met the most wonderful, amazing man I had ever known in my whole life. I fell head over heels for him. And he made me happier than I ever thought possible just by being him.
I went on holiday with a boyfriend. I stayed with a boyfriend's family. And I left a boyfriend at an airport, where we promised each other everything would be okay.
I came home to a country I no longer belonged in. I never settled, never felt right. I came home to a town I no longer wanted to be in. I went back to Birmingham, where my friends were about to graduate.
I travelled to London. I did work experience. I learnt about the career I knew I wanted to be a part of. I wrote articles. I got paid to write articles. I made money from my blog. I was sent clothes to review.
But I also crashed my car. I wrote off my car. My grandad spent the summer in hospital.
And my wonderful boyfriend broke up with me.

This summer has been hard. Beyond hard. This break up has torn my life apart. It's made me question everything I ever believed in.
It's made me not want to go back to university for the first time.

Nothing really turned out as I expected. And at the moment, i'm finding it hard to see the silver lining that everyone has been talking about.

But I have to move on. I have to keep going.
Today I move into a new house, with new people. In a city I don't feel as though I know anymore. Without the friends I've had all the way through. Without the familiar faces in my classes and at my job and in my dance classes.
Everything is going to be different this time. But maybe that's what I need.
Change.
A new beginning.

8 comments:

  1. Oh I'm sorry to hear that you're having to go through this right now. I know how it feels having to live in a city that you no longer feel a part of. In the long run though, you'll figure things out and I'm sure you'll be ready to move on, wherever that may be. Remember that anything is possible if you really want it. Good luck lady.

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  2. I'm so sorry you aren't happy at the moment, I hate it when stuff goes wrong for good people, and you really deserve all the happiness in the world. I'm feeling a little bit similar at the moment, I don't really see the point in a lot of the things I used to enjoy and now that everyone I know has left Edinburgh I feel a bit stuck. Luckily blogging is keeping me grounded.

    Oops, wrote a bit more than I intended there, really just wanted to let you know I sympathise xo

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  3. I'm sorry for all the pain you've gone through this summer, dear. I don't even have words to express my sympathy, and I can only say I hope this new year brings wonderful things to you, and that I hope this is a good new beginning. <3

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  4. Good luck on the new beginning! You really deserve it after the not so lovely summer you had :)

    Love, Siel xo

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  5. That is a lot to go through in a year. Here's to a much better one yet to come!

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  6. Good luck! Things are kinda rough for me right now too, so I can only wish you the best.

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